In the words of Kanye West..."Goodmorning. on this day we become legendary. everything we dreamed of. Im like the fly Malcom X by any means neccessary..." I cant begin to express what this day signifies. Not to sound cocky but, I think it signifies so much more for me than the average college grad. Most kids come down here, ball out on student loans, party, and graduate. Not me. Yeah I partied dude but, it was a struggle. There were days I wanted to just pause life for 1 hour long enough to catch my breath. I sat at dinner with all the people who helped me survive. Each of them brought back old memories that I had long removed myself from. I remembered the time on christmas, when I didnt have enough money to fly home though all of my friends went, and I sat in the dark without gas or electric alone, with a bottle of Verde, and I slept the day through on an airmatress loaded with blankets and my red winter coat on. A long run on...yeah I know. Or the time I had no place to live and my parents said they didn't have the money, so I slept on my old roomates dorm room floor for a month, with one outfit that I handwashed in the sink nightly. Or the time my job closed down a week before Christmas wthout warning and wrote me several bad checks that bounced until I had to close my bank account down. Believe me the memories go on for ever. Believe me when I say there were days I wanted to blame anyone and everyone including GOD but, my awakening came when I realized I'm responsible for me. The End. To grasp that concept made all the difference. I have to say I didnt pray as much back then either. I once wrote a poem that went:
All things work together for the good,
and though Im living in the hood,
I believe that,
because I need to, to maintain my sanity
A small thing like vanity is only for those who can afford it
Shit
I wish I could take a hit of this weed, and get lit cuz I need
to forget my problems for an hour
They are forming a tower of stress on my emotions
sometimes I wish I could cry,
so I didnt feel like I had to die to take a break
If I could just make a dollar, then I could buy a dream ,
and it would seem nice to be me
But everytime I get enough to make it,
something comes to steal my hope and break it,
like men sometimes do my heart
Just when I feel we've had a good start,
somethig goes wrong,
and this sad pattern of life goes on
until the day Karma pays me back
for all the days I didnt rob or hurt Jack to break even
And this is when I should,
see that ALL THINGS WORK TOGETHER FOR THE GOOD
Today felt like that day. The day GOd payed me back good karma for the struggle. Not completely but close enough. It also felt like the close of chapter 1. Chapter 1 is usually a juicy chapter to intrigue the reader, and introduce the main characters but its also just the beginning.
